i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
