I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
