this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
