I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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