no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
