All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
