Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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