Duck Duck Cougar?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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