He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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