white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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