I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
