apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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