your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
