he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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