just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
