if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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