Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
