Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
