You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
