I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
