I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
