yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
