I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
