i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
