hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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