I wanna passion pit in your ass
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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