people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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