haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish I only lived at night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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