dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
