I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
