Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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