you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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