its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
