I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
