I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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