Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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