I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
