Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
