I cannot find my penis.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
