whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
