so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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