Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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