Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
