i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
