Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
