That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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