Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
