We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
