I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Terrible idea I love it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
