walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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