I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
