first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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