Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize