So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
