Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
