Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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