Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
