Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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