I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
