I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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