Do you still have your period?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What drink are we having for lunch?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants