You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Okay so I just had a really great idea
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?