porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
