lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
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After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.