Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
