I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
