Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
