it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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