its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.