so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
