hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
