i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
