i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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