Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
