i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
