Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize