he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
