Your tits are I can't wait for
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
