Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
