you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
