remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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