sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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