i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
