I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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