I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
