that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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